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Free Music Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a trampoline and an accordion?

A. You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.

Q. If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story building, which one lands first?

A. Who cares?

Q. Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?

A. To get away from the noise.

Q. How do you protect a valuable instrument?

A. Hide it in an accordion case.

Q. What's the first thing a musician says at work?

A. "Would you like fries with that?"

Q. What's the difference between a seamstress and a viola player?

A. The seamstress tucks up the frills.

Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.

Q. How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

A. Sell it and buy a violin.

Lute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.

Q. How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?

A. Shoot one.

Q. What do you call a bagpiper with half a brain?

A. Gifted.

Q. Why can't a gorilla play accordion?

A. He's too sensitive.

Q. What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?

A. A drummer.

Q. What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

A. Drool.

Q. How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.

Q. What do you call a groupie who hangs around and annoys musicians?

A. A bodhran player.

Q. What do accordion players use for birth control?

A. Their personalities.

Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?

A. The chain saw has greater dynamic range.

Q. What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.

A. Both suck when you plug them in.

Q. What's a gentleman?

A. Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.